Puff, Puff, Pureminisce...

So, I'm sitting in a hookah bar in Mobile (lame, i know) with Thomas, and his friend, Andrew. It's cool, been a long time since I got to hang out with people my own age. And for once I've gotten to do it for 2 Saturdays in a row. Last Saturday, I spent a night on the town in Chicago with my kid, her friend, and Mia from Vandy. We hit up downtown and went to the bar where Mia is interning, Tzar! It started off with the bouncer trying to overcharge us, but we eventually got in for free. After witnessing 2 guys in a suit fighting and suffering collateral damage, we left, but it was still a good night. Tonight I'm out with the guys after a long day of video games, swimming, and bad TV. We're just sitting in Purple Cafe, playing on our respective computers. I'm enjoying hookah, lamb kebab, and tzaziki. It's pretty amazing and I'm tempted to order a chicken kebab too, but considering that I'm not actually hungry, that might not be the greatest idea ever. This kinda feels like the old days in Palmer Hall, when I'd come home late and Thomas and Shane would be puffing away on the hookah, I'd crawl into bed, and puff away the hardships of the day... Miss those days.

   

Keeping UP!

So, I've been noticing that all of my friends that are entering the blogosphere are updating their blogs SO much more often than I am, I realized I need to step it up a bit. So to start it off, 10 randoms facts about me:

1. I pick my nose when I'm bored in the car
2. I love fresh roasted corn on the cob
3. My belly button is kinda half-innie/half-outtie
4.  My first unofficial date ever was to Qdoba...and it was terrible! (the food, not the date)
5. I love black cherry mojitos
6. I hate fish!
7. I got my ears pierced at 20, which was after I got my belly button pierced
8. I'm not too sure how many real friends I have, but I'm sure it's fewer than some people like to pretend
9. I could see myself with about 5 tattoos and a mohawk, but I have none of those things :)
10. I've watched porn... and thought most of it had terrible acting and plot

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem- noun, a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself. 


To me, it seems difficult to maintain that self control is only based on what you think of yourself. This is because a lot of times, how you see yourself depends upon how those closest to you view you. Especially when they are vocal on sharing their opinion. One such case for me is my mom. While I have never really been the rebellious teen, I have over the past few years realized that I have been disappointing myself due to the fact that I feel like I haven't been being myself, just what I wanted people to see of me.The instances are fairly small, but still they nag me when i feel like I am denying a part of myself that I want to show. I hid my clothing from my parents, snuck around to hang out with my friends, and hid things about myself that I felt would disappoint them. I got my belly button pierced in 2007 and have been doing all I can to keep them from finding out. I've also always wanted a tattoo but I have yet to get one on the chance that my they will see it and I will get a lecture. I guess there really isn't much more they could do, but the thought of disappointing my parents is still a tough one for me. 


I think my mom secretly hates me. She always has something negative to say about me: the way my hair is cut, the way I dress, my makeup. It's really frustrating to deal with, especially when I don't know why she hates it so much. Perfect example is our first interaction of yesterday. This is what I looked like: 

When she saw me, the first comment she made to me was not a hello or how are you, instead it was, "With all of that mess on your face, you look like a clown." Does it really look that bad? I clearly didn't think so when I left home! This isn't the first time that I've worn this exact same look. Additionally, I actually got a few compliments while I was out. I like to play in makeup, I think it gives me an outlet to express my creativity and love of bright colors. But when I get comments like that, it's hard to ignore it and keep doing my own thing. It makes me never even want to be seen putting on makeup or wearing it in her presence. She also commented on my new haircut, which she does every time I get a new haircut. To add insult to injury, this morning she commented that my hair was gonna be as short as my dad's. When I confusedly asked he r explain what she meant, she went on to say that every time my hair starts breaking off I get it cut (duh, that's what you're supposed to do to keep your hair from splitting and breaking more). What made the comment hurtful was the way she made it seem that the problem was not that I wasn't taking taking care of my hair, it was that I cut it to get rid of the breaking ends. I don't think that she realizes that it's hard for me to see my hair falling on the floor around my feet. I've always wanted longer hair, so to have to cut some of it off in order to get it to grow more is a hard but necessary evil in my opinion.


Another thing that I have been constantly criticized about is my clothing. I'm a typical female in my 20s. I wear jeans and tees, and miniskirts and heels. I hate getting the look like I'm being a slut due to the fact that my mom and grandma think that wearing jeans and a spaghetti-strap top is being "half-dressed". I remember once when I was younger, I went outside in my PJs to check the mail. My mom told me if I ever went outside like that again (t-shirt and shorts) that she would burn every pair of shorts that I owned. While she has grown from being that person, I have never forgotten that moment, and I think it has partially shaped our mother-daughter relationship. The first time I ever wore jeans in front of my parents may have been my second year of college. Even now, I hide my clubwear at the top of my closet and only wear it when she won't see me. it feels pretty crappy to have to hide myself, but dealing with the ramifications is sooo not worth it right now. Maybe one day when I move out and have my own place and own money, things will change.


Having older sisters does not help the situation. My older sister complains about my parent's over zealous strictness, but will not say anything about it because she feels that it should be unnecessary. Yes, they realize I'm not a little kid, but I guess they still feel the need to protect me and know my every move. I don't even go out much to Latin Dance night much anymore because I hate having to justify going out alone. I'm sorry I'm a loser with no friends to go out with. Maybe if I had been allowed to go out, I would have friends! Instead, the people I still talk to from college are several states away. Just yesterday, I told another of my sisters that I wanted to come with her to the salon to get highlights. She was cool with this until I told her I was having trouble deciding between PURPLE and BLUE. I'm young, can't try something a little crazy? It's not like I was dying my hair, it was just temporary! She texts back and is like "What! Oh no, you must mean a lighter brown or black highlights" Um no... those things sound nothing alike.

 

Is this really so bad? I think it looks pretty cool, and it's not super out there, just a little flash of color.


Whatever, I'm working on my self-esteem only coming from self, and the people that know the real me. Like Cartman said on South Park, "Whatever! I do what I want!"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZLVi4v7lSM

A New Chapter...for him

So this past weekend was one of the greatest in a long time. My boyfriend decided to drive over and visit me for 3 days before embarking on a new job that takes him to Arkansas for the next few weeks and then across country pretty much indefinitely. Even though our relationship has primarily been a long distance one, we were always only about 3-hrs apart and saw each other about once a month. Now that seems like it's going to be next to impossible and we won't even be able to talk on the phone for the majority of the day. Major BUMMER is an understatement. i'm glad he's moving on to a more fulfilling job that pays more, but a part of me will miss being in constant contact with him. At least we went out with a bang!

On Wednesday we went out for ramen, sake, and sushi, then just hung out at his hotel (napping) and grabbed dinner. Thursday we set out with big plans to tackle the Zoo AND the Aquarium, but after a few hours in the heat while wandering around looking for the kangaroos and tigers, we decided to call it quits after lunch at O'Henry's. At least my pasta was good. And my nap was even better! :) Friday was a bittersweet day since he had to go home, but seeing X-Men: First Class, bowling (I beat him 2-1, take that!), and a few pictures in the park made it a little more bearable.

After shedding only a few tears (I promised I wouldn't cry), it was time to say goodbye and good luck!

Up in Flames....

Saturday was one of the scariest days of my life!!! What started as a somewhat comical event worthy of some crazy sitcom could have ended in tragedy for my family. My cousin called my mom's cell phone and asked where my grandma was, so my mom hands the cell to me and tells me to bring it to her... I walk down the hall, see the front door open, so I figure as usual my grandma decided to go sit on the porch. When I get outside, I see her sitting in a chair on the sidewalk in front of our house talking to some strange woman I didn't know. I decide to ignore this and just hand my grandma the phone and tell her that my cousin wanted to talk. It's then that I find out from the stranger that she was from across the street and my grandma had told her that some strangers had just pushed her out of a car and left her. When I explained the situation, she tell me that she had called the police and that my mom needed to come out. Then we spent another comical 10 minutes or so explaining to the officer that my grandma had moved all of the stuff from in front of our front door, snuck out, and forgot where she was. So we all had a good laugh, we calmed my grandma down, and called my cousin back to tell her what was going on. As it turns out, that earlier phone call is partially what precipitated all of these other events because she heard on her police radio that an elderly woman with my grandma's name said that she had been pushed out of someone's car. As the ruckus died down and we headed inside, things headed downhill. While my mom was outside she had left a pot of grease on to fry shrimp for dinner and it was starting to smoke. When I went out to relay what had happened to my family, the pot burst into flames. I partially blame myself for the rest of these happenings because I didn't turn the pot off, but at the moment I could only try to remember how to put out a grease fire. WATER IS NOT AN OPTION! So I handed my mom a pot top to smother the flames that had began to inch towards our ceiling. That didn't work. The flames were curling up around the side of the top. My mom then grabs a dish towel to try to knock out the excess flames. Then, in a moment when time seemed to simultaneously stop and go into overdrive, the pot fell off the stove and onto the floor. A huge fireball leaped up from the pot and scalding grease flew everywhere. At that moment I felt as if the world was burning to the ground. I ducked into the next room and feared for my mom's life because I could no longer see her through the flames. At this point I was coughing from the thick smoke that now blanketed our kitchen, thinking to myself that this is how those actors on TV would feel if they were in this situation for real instead of in another thrilling primetime slot. I ducked my head back in and was now relieved to see that my mom was ok and that while the flames had now spread to the rug (who puts rugs in kitchens), the flames had not engulfed the room and that my mom was still safe. As we continued to try to beat the flames into submission, my mom announced that it was futile and that the best we could do was try to drag the flaming rug out through the back door without setting the rest of the house on fire. So she grabbed the burning rug and I followed, smothering anything that was set alight as we made a calculated procession to the back door. Thankfully, we made it to the back steps without any further incident. It was at this time that my mom tells me that the grease hit her and her arm was painfully burning... She sent me to get something to put on it, the best thing being aloe vera. Being the wreck that I am, I had no idea she meant the plant by the back steps, instead I am shakily running through all of the room looking for a bottle of aloe. Literally shaking like a leaf, I put some aloe on her and beg her to go to the ER. At first she refuses, but after I buy her all sorts of OTC sprays and creams, she grudgingly agrees that we need a trip to the hospital. It is after midnight that we see an RN that somewhat indifferently tells us that it "sucks" that she got 1st and 2nd degree burns all over her right arm and hand, but that she would be fine. He then proceeds to tell me that he hates New Orleans and that I should join their ER staff because they all dislike people just like me...

Thank God we all survived mostly intact and with a home still, but I think it will be many years if ever that I can forget the emotions that this ordeal evoked, and the images of those flames are burned into my memory, just as the grease burned into my mother's skin.

Workout Day 3

So I loosely kept up with me meals today. I think my calorie count for today was so much lower just because normally I just eat whatever, but today when I knew I was going to write stuff down it made me so much more aware and careful of the foods I was taking in.

Breakfast 1 Doughnut, calories: Who knows?!?! Wasn't on the box! Who does that?
Lunch 2 Turkey sandwich on wheat with mayo and Dijon and 1.5 of a pickle spear, calories: approx. 600 calories, ½ slice cake, 75 calories
Snack ½ serving Chips and salsa, calories: 80 calories
Dinner 9pc popeye’s nugget, ½ biscuit, ½ regular red bean, calories: approx. 546

Beside tea at dinner, all I drank today was water, which is unusual for me, but everytime I picked up a bottle I thought, "Man! This is more calories added to my total," and I put it back in the fridge. So the total for my day was roughly 1,500 calories. Since I need to take in about 2,200- 2,500 per day, I think I need to stop stressing over calories as much tomorrow. It's not like I got huge eating the stuff that I normally eat, even when I'm not exercising, so if I eat my normal amount but eat healthier stuff then I should fairly good. Same food and more exercise still means weight loss, so now I just need to find healthier alternatives than Pringles and personal apple pies...

I guess I'll trying to workout through the pain tonight...or make it up on Saturday.

Inspiration for the day: Believe with all of your heart that you will do what you were made to do.
Orison Swett Marden

17 Magazine's 5-Week Workout Challenge

OK, so as everyone who knows me knows, it's against my nature to workout. I hate running, walking, lifting weights, the whole 9-yards. The only acceptable forms of exercise in my opinion all involve dance: Zumba, going out with friends for Latin Dance Night, etc. Every time I try to start a routine, it falls through after about a week.

So I figure that I wanna get more toned, I'm not 100% happy with my body, why not give this challenge a shot? I think the hardest part will be motivating myself to keep going and even HARDER will be eating right for this challenge. I'm a super-picky eater, so that makes it tough to take advantage of healthy eating tips when I don't eat any of the ingredients of a meal.

Side note: I wanna flatten my abs, tone my legs and KEEP MY BUTT!!! If it goes, I go (lol)!!! I guess we'll see... Wish me luck, peeps!!!